I have hypersmellula. Or whatever the scientific word for hypersensitivity to smell is. Also other sensory processing issues. There is no question.

I've just made my breakfast, taken a spoonful of porridge and walked a gauntlet of my husband's deodorant, my daughter's b.o. and the recently used bathroom (he cracks the door to let the smell drift out in increments, for some reason).

I'm hiding in my (unfortunately mouldy smelling) room to eat without inhaling any of the above.

I can be like this with sounds, as well. There's an article going around about how you shouldn't indulge people who are tortured by your eating sounds, it's up to them to desensitise. You go on and chew with your mouth open, masticate all you want. Don't mind them.

Ach. It's difficult.

And it's frustrating. I watched a video last night about an autistic child who has completely improved on the GAPS diet, which heals the gut, and hence the brain. You've read a lot about the gut-brain connection recently, if you've any interest in such things, but the medical community, plus internet sceptics community are shitting on it from a height, and insisting it's willful ignorance and abuse to attempt doing it. They're not interested in stories from people who have benefitted from it. Placebo, clearly. I read a study yesterday about GABA brain chemicals and their role in sensory processing. The diet will provide the same effect as the drugs they hope to create will. It's available, now, in food form.

One of the things the child in the video suffered was moments of blindness. Olivia has had the same thing too - when I asked the GP about it, she poo-pooed it sneeringly and continued to lecture me. The black-outs went away along with everything else the GP would have dismissed, and ignored if this family had been in her care. I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of being blamed for not taking the options the medical community has to offer, when they fucking suck a lot of the time. I'm tired of being vilified for showing interest in alternatives. Most of all I'm tired of not being able to access professionals who actually know about the alternatives and could guide me.

It's not just that they're not here, they are, but Olivia is so resistant, I can't get her to work with them.
The GAPS diet is incredibly restrictive and difficult. No way would it fly in this house, Axl's not up to it. We couldn't even manage to keep her off gluten. But that makes me incredibly guilty too, that I fall before even the first hurdle.

It must be so frustrating to people who see it working, and have to sit back and watch it being demonised, or ignored by doctors and their patients.  I don't want to be that person, but here I am, too weak and lazy and unsupported to give it a go. Not to mention the resistance from my child herself.

Bodhi saved his last mini donut last night, I put it in the cupboard for him. But when he came home, it was gone, the box disposed of. Can I tell you how frustrating it is to know that your child who refuses to eat solids... can eat solids? Ok, donuts and corn chips (though she stopped eating them), nothing good for her, but I know she could eat a Christmas dinner if she allowed herself to.

Instead she'll sit in her room while we entertain her grandmother, who would probably rather not be there either! Dammit.

I don't need to hear about how horrible Christmas is, I like it and I'm happy it's Christmas. I just wish some of the other shit in my life would fall into place a little and let me enjoy it.

I'd love the be posting Christmas cheer here, but currently the blog is being used for Venting Purposes. I'm sorry.

Righ! Porridge gone. Whinge completed. Back unto the fray.